Knighthood Starts with Self-Improvement

It's natural to want to be a Knight. The title's historical references and connection to nobility and to myth carry a powerful mystique even today. We associate the word with heroic attributes.
     But for our purposes, the real magic is found in how striving for Knighthood changes us for the better.
     That's right. Change, as in personal change. Something we might not like to hear. It would be so much easier if the accolade merely recognize us for the wonderful people we are, intact and unchanged. But if it did, what real meaning would it have for us? How would it benefit the future of Chivalry-Now?
     Our goal is to elevate us to Knighthood, not pull the concept it to where we are now. As the first generation of Knights-in-training, the standards we create will forever shape the future of our Companionship.
     You would not be part of our circle if the tenets of chivalry did not apply to you in a special way. Chivalry's mystique is very real. Its virtues are solid, responsible, yet idealistic at the same time. Its qualities are as spiritual as they are heroic. No voice from the sky has to convince you of its value. It comes from your soul, validated already, dependent on no one, worthy of full commitment.
     Knighthood is something different. It signifies an actual person whose commitment to chivalry exceeds feelings of righteousness, or a boost of self-esteem.
     It means living by a specific code—all the time! And that means a new way of life, which can only start with personal improvement, in mind, body and spirit.
     The ideal Knight is seen as the embodiment of chivalry. Those who are less than ideal (those who are alive and human), must embody what measure that we can. Each Knight bears the responsibility of carrying the standard of chivalry—not for himself, but for the sake of others. People will look at you, as a Knight, as a living example of our ideals. Not a pretender, but someone actually transformed by personal commitment.
     None of us are perfect. That's a given. Forum comments show that we are all nice people, with the best intentions. If Knighthood is our goal, however, being nice with good intentions cannot be enough. We have to become exceptional, the stuff that Knights are made on.
     When the possibility of Knighthood was first extended to me, I felt mortified. I did not see it as a reward or honorary recognition, but as a serious challenge to become a better man, not just write about it for a web site. I had to bring my innermost desires and ideals into reality, and had no idea if I could. I wasn't sure I even wanted to. I considered myself a decent enough person, but Knighthood meant taking everything to the next level. It meant struggling with inner shadows, the weaknesses I hid even from myself. I would no longer be able to turn chivalry on or off when I felt like it. My dreaded ego was on the line. Was it possible to put it aside and become something new?
     As committed as I was to chivalry, I struggled with this for weeks. I knew in my heart I would never take the accolade lightly. It had to have deep meaning, or why bother? What finally convinced me was recognizing how my commitment had grown on its own, even as I struggled. Changes were being made, not intellectually, but of their own accord. Something long asleep was waking up.
     Now, my wife will cheerfully attest that I am far from perfect. I'm not sure I've changed in her eyes at all. But I know this: since receiving the accolade, I am more at peace with my inner self, and secure in my own fondest beliefs. In short, I am a better man.
     Why am I sharing this? Oddly enough, because the logistical barriers of our Internet community place an unfair burden on you as candidates for Knighthood.
     You have no mentor at your side. You must look to yourselves as your own tutor, guide and counselor. It's up to you to find what needs to be improved, what books will lead you forward, what changes must be made in your lifestyle, how much effort you are willing to commit. And that's not easy.
     We all have psychological defenses that protect our egos. We formulate inner excuses, justify our prejudices, downplay our vices. Some of us hide behind facades of infallibility.
     This makes it difficult to see and face our "less wholesome" attributes.
     Embracing chivalry as we do, our faults and weaknesses might seem less significant compared to those around us. We might not feel the need for change. And that's okay! That's the beauty of Chivalry-Now. You can take from it and contribute what you want, and enjoy whatever benefits you receive.
     But the question is this: does such an approach warrant Knighthood?
     Shouldn't a Knight represent chivalry at a higher, more knightly level? Shouldn't he or she reflect the kind of self-discipline that corresponds to our ethical code? It's one thing to know what we want, and even long for it deeply—another to live it with integrity on a daily basis. That's what Knighthood is all about. It requires work. It requires introspection. For many of us, it requires changes in lifestyle.
     It is the charge of Council Knights to determine worthy candidates. Limited as we are by the nature of the Internet, we base our determinations on what we read—in other word, on what you reveal, either on the forum or through e-mails. We don't have the luxury of seeing you in social settings, hearing other people opinions of your character, sharing heated discussions, or seeing you in action for a good cause.
     This handicap runs the risk of knighting individuals who might not adequately reflect our ideals-which could destroy everything we are trying to do.
     This is why the onus must be placed upon each and every Companion to make sure that doesn't happen. To an unprecedented extent, you have to judge yourself. That means humble introspection with an attempt for objectivity. It is up to you to take the time and effort to identify your faults (we all have them) and work for self-improvement.
     Perfection is not our aim. There are no perfect people, and no perfect Knights. What we are looking for is a personal commitment to chivalry that extends itself beyond words or conjecture into reality. That means personal standards, an open mind, the way you present yourself to others, even hygiene. Why? Because Knighthood is equivalent to being an ambassador of Chivalry-Now. Everything you say and do impacts us all.
     The following is a list of sample questions that will help illustrate what kind of introspection we mean. It is by no means comprehensive.

• Are you a carouser?
  
• Are you controlling of your spouse?
  
• Are you a heavy drinker (if only occasionally)?
  
• Do you take illegal drugs (or abuse legal ones)?
  
• Do you smoke or harm yourself in other ways?
  
• Do you dominate conversations by talking and not listening?
  
• Do you bully or intimidate people?
  
• Does money hold more importance than a concern for people?
  
• Are you known for "innocent" yet bigoted humor?
  
• Do you follow the crowd instead of your higher conscience?
  
• Do you purposely avoid taking moral stands on the issues?
  
• Do you find yourself rushing to judgment?

If any of these fit, you have to decide whether or not to confront your personal dragons in order to approach the goal of Knighthood. Council Knights cannot pin-point them for you from a thousand miles away. You have to examine yourself. Honestly. Critically. This is where the game ends and the quest really begins. Just like the quest itself, the path to Knighthood is a solitary, soul-searching endeavor. Remember, most of Arthur's Grail Knights failed.
     If you aren't ready, that's okay. Take your time. Stay as long as you want, and partake as you see fit. Knighthood will be there when you're ready.
     Don't get me wrong. We desperately need honest, honorable Knights, advocates capable of showing the world what Chivalry-Now is all about. But such Knights must be prepared and capable of doing just that.
     We ask you to develop your skills and talents to make that happen. Search your conscience. You may want to discuss something privately with a Knight or other Companion or someone outside our circle, or deal with things privately. Your choice, at your own pace.
     Just remember, like all things of importance, the first person you need to convince is yourself.